BBOTT Nov. 21, 12:59AM (Cam 3) Mon. - Justin shares intimate childhood details about his life & how he got to be how he is today. (Dialogue & Pics)
11/23/16 01:16 PM
Jason: I'm gonna HAFTA win this, or no one's gonna make out with me ever... atleast I can like, BUY people after this..
Kryssie: U are an a**wipe.
He says the minute he's free he's gonna run around like "Who wants to f*!?"
K: What's if they're like, "How much?"
J: Ooooh, like they'll buy me? Ooo then sure, add more money! Actually after this, when I lose, I'm gonna HAVE to do that.
K: I don't think ur gonna lose....
J: I don't think I'm gonna make it to the final 3...
K: Not with that attitude. Dingus. You would not believe the kind of SH** I've had to talk to make sure that you're still here. *play with ends of hair* You are GETTING to the final 3.
J laughs: We'll see. I'm a pessimistic first and foremost.
K: Samesies! A pessimistic WITH a terrible, like, self-image. Hidden behind this veil of confidence that has nothing to do with ANYTHING.
Jason: Justin, tell us how you're not sad and miserable about ANYTHING?
Justin: I just maintain a positive attitude.
Jason: No you were like born with positive attitude, though. You were born pretty, and with talents..
Kryssie: You are a ray of sunshine, like that's... that's what you are.
Justin: I mean like.. it' took time. *laughs* It's taken a lot to get like this.
Jason: Does that mean we need to become like pimps to get like that?
Justin: No, boo...
Kryssie: I don't have the energy for pimpiiiiin...
Justin: And it's kinda like, I was liiike... inducted into that... the girls were kinda like, oh we need you..
Jason: Oh, yeh... I was just making a bad joke.. I was just saying we need to do what Justin's done. Like we all just need to almost die on Molly, and become pimps, and... *chuckles*
Justin: Bo, that's not what my life has entailed to make me positive kid. I've just... I've been through A LOT, kid.
Justin: I've been sexually abused too.
Jason: Oh yeh?
Justin: Yeh.. I've like never told you that, but like...
Jason: Yeh, most people don't talk about that..
Justin: Yeh, so..
Jason: Did you have to talk about that to get here?
Jason: Oh, well I lied about it last time. And then the psychologist
*FEEDS CUT TO GIRLS SLEEPING IN HOH ROOM*
....feeds come back....
Justin: And then, it's so crazy, because I actually.. I love to laugh and be so outgoing, because it like, keeps me from crying... I'd rather laugh than cry..
Jason: Well, yeh, that's kinda even where me and Kryssie are at though, we're just like "we're the biggest jokers in the room" like..
Jason: It's actually because we're the most, like, subconscious people in the room.
Kryssie: Yeh... kill 'em with kindness and hilarity. That's how it works.
Justin: Yeh, Idk man, I've just always made like... lemonade from lemonheads, boo. I mean, that's really just the best way to put it, cuz I mean.. It's easy to make lemonade out of lemon, but trying to get lemonade from a lemonhead is a LOT harder. *chuckles* Idk man... this sh**'s crazy man. I've been on quite the life roller coaster man.
Justin: But it's really made me the person who I am today.
Justin: Mhmm, yeh.. Like I don't hate nobody.. I don't have an ounce of hate..like, i don't.. I kinda just love everybody for who they are, ya know? ANd I strongly believe in like people finding themselves and believing in who their inner-self is.
Jason: But like you, you even love ur abuser??
Justin: Say what?
Jason: Like, do you forgive and love the person who abused you? *frowns*
Jason: Oh see, idk, that's where I don't *picks arms* I don't have that in me... *looks at back of hand* ..Most of my friends are sexual abused victims as well..
Jason: And they all have very different, uh.. ways of dealing with it in their life... like, most of them are not the forgive, it's more like the push away, run away, you shouldn't have to deal with that person (anymore).. so I don't like.. that's where I'm at with that..
Justin: Yeh, I can totally understand, man. But like, idk boo.. *plays with hair & looks down*
Jason: But ur prolly like, doing it the more positive way..
Justin: Yeh, I just kinda live and let go, man.. I;ve just kinda just.. taken it for what it was and just was like, yeh ya know, THAT'S not me! Ya know what I'm sayin? Like..
Justin: Kinda like, idk. Like, Idk man.. people deal with things way differently.
Justin: But for the longest, like I STILL think about this sh**.
Jason: Well, of course. It'll like come up all the time..
Justin: It'll like haunt you the rest of your life..
Justin: But I just *shakes head* comfortable with who I am as a person, and just like idk.. I just.... I just live and let go man.. Like I know what I want outta life, an- Idk man, I really can't even explain it, man...
Jason: Yeh I know, idk..
Justin: It's hard. *laughs* It's really hard... to really like, say how I am so positive, man, but.. idk, man.. when ur world's upside down, man, you just gotta turn it right side up and just keep on movin. *looks over to Jason*
Jason: MYeh... I guess everyone just has their own way of dealing with things...
Justin: Yeh. *looks down*
Jason: Like for me, being around that person doesn't make anything positive at all. It makes me feel like self-destructive and crazy... so I find that like the positive thing for me is just, avoid.
Justin: Yeh, *looks to Jason and rests head back* And I've been there, man.. Like, speakin from experience kid, like I've been ther, dawg.. I.. I like wanted to die everything, kid.
Jason: Yeh.. I was a young mess..
Justin: Idk, man.. I really just overcame that sh**, like.. I just realized that - I make people in my life so happy that you know, I cannot be selfish.. ya know?
Jason faintly: e-yeh...
Justin: It's like, ya know, people love you, and people like love your presence, and they just kinda liiike...
Jason cuts him off: See I don't feel like I'm being the... well, everyone's got their own situation... but, like, I feel like.... idk.... (mumbles) I can't even talk about.. they're gonna buzz me (BB)..
Kryssie: You've been doing a really good job of not being specific..
Jason: Have I?
Justin laughs: Yeh, I'm not very specific.. *laughs*
Jason: I know, but like.. *plays with skin upper left arm*
Kryssie: As long as you're not specific on specific pronouns and sh**, and if you WANT to talk about it, then, ya know..
Jason: Well, I don't feel like I've done anything selfish... I feel like it's selfish of other people, like I can't have contact with most of the family because that person is always there.. So it's like, for me to avoid that person, I hafta like avoid my entire family..
Jason: And most of my family doesn't even know me at this point.. I can home from BB last time, and they were like 'Oh my God, we forgot like.. we didn't know you were so funny' and all these things, because they don't know me as an adult, because I've never been able to be around them as an adult, cuz this person just is there for everything and feels like they should be there for everything, and I guess that means that I can't participate in having a family.
Justin: Right... like, I totally know what you mean, boo. I totally know whatcha mean, kiiid..
*Jason looks off and wrings hands*
Justin: But man, it's like.. doesn't kill you makes you stronger boo, that sh** true.
Jason: Oh, of course... I wouldn't change anything about my life, cause it's like made me who I am now. It is like I wish I could be an adult, and kick open the door and like save 6-yr-old me..
Jason: But, um, that's not how the world works...
Jason: So, you're like, okay I'm fine with who I am now, and I'm fine with everything I've been through.. But it still doesn't mean that you aren't, like, be up under that person..
Justin: Noo, yeh, nahhh.
Jason: And kee-kee with them..
Justin: No, no, no, no... by no means..
Justin: By no means kids.. but, life's good man, and the end of the day..
Jason: It is
Justin: And like, I'm just so blessed man, cuz like... that's just ONE of the things man... Like, I've been through so much sh** ya know.. And I had to bury like, alll my friends and sh**, *shakes head* so it's just kinda like a lot that I've had *chuckles* to deal with, and just kinda be like: Ya know, that could've been me! And like, I always feel like I'm kinda like a instrument..
Justin: Like, the people that I come into contact with I kinda like.. brighten up their day..
Justin: So I kinda feel like I'm kinda like an instrument.. *chuckles* Which is a weird way to put it.. like, I'm like a - idk, man - kinda like makes me wanna cry, but like, I'm an instrument in God's band or some sh** like.. *smiles & shakes head* Like idk boo.. *laughs & looks at Jason* I have no idea how to really like put it, but like idk man, I just really feel like I'm here for a bigger purpose in life..
Justin: I mean.. like.. cuz it's just been so easy for the devil to win, man.. cuz like... *shakes head* I just remember, like, times when I would just try and like overdose on some sh**, like idk man.. it's just crazzyyy *chuckles*
Justin: It's just crazy man...
Jason: No I know...
Justin: Cuz it's just like ...
Jason: I think back to 14-yr-old Jason that like used to be a cutter, and I'm like 'Oh my God, look at where I am now!'
Justin: Right. It's just.. man.. life, life just is a crazy crazy journey, man *plays with hair*
Jason: I got all my craziness out early.
Justin: Yeh man *smiles* So have I.. I feel like everything I have through has like, molded me into this awesome person that everybody loves, an-
Jason chuckles: Well I've been through a lot of stuff that's molded be into things, but it's NOT a person that everybody loves *laughs*
Justin: YEH, but I mean.. Bo, you can change man.. Cuz ya know, boo, it's like really.. it's kinda like the beauty that you have within you man *looks toward Jason*
Justin: Like ya know, like.. you don't hafta to be.. *throws up hand* Like.. that's who arrre, like you're loud, u f*n say whatcha want, you like...
Jason: I'm a d*ck!
Justin: Yeh, but that's cooool.. like, I mean, I appreciate you for that man.. and I'm sure there's a lot of of people that appreciates your realism...
Jason: No, I'm sure there's some that appreciates it...
Justin: Ya know what I'm sayin? THere's people all OVER the world.. for EVERYONE.. ya know what I'm sayin, so there's people in the world that appreciates that.. that perspective, like.. that aspect of you, ya know what i'm sayin..
Jason: Mhmm... Myeh..
Justin: But the most important thing, though, at the end of the day, is you just being who you are, and just.. ya know, being you. You know, don't like ever change who you are no matter what, no matter what you've been through, ooor...
Jason: Oh trust me, I've tried... *smiles* Actually, I haven't really tried, but I knew I couldn't *laughs*
Justin: Riight, but,, yeh man.. I mean that's prolly like, the most important thing that anyone can ever do in life, is just to be who they are.. And even if they don't like, know theirselves, I feel like the way that you do learn how you are is to do the things that you love to do.. if you love to draw, or like do art, or you love to sing, dance f*n decorate lighters, make candles, like..
*Jason throat chuckles*
Justin: Just do what you love to do, at the end of the day.. and like, everything will like, manifest I feel like..
Justin: Idk.. It's kinda like a real interesting way I guess, but.. *chuckles*
Jason: It's just a positive way..
Justin laughs: Yeh, yeh.. It's just a poooositive way, kid.. like, idk man, Like I love to sing, draw, sculpt, and like.. literally that's like, what I do... In my normal life, like I literally like FISH.. I sing everyday.. I'm like always doin something artistic, like.. that's jus me!
Justin: I'm just never gonna change.. I just love.. I like what I like.. ya know, I'm stubborn and I'm never gonna change for anyone... crazy. But it's a crazy, crazy world, man. ANd they got some sick ppl in it.
Justin: But at the end of the day man, there's some really good people too..
Justin: And the good don't always hafta suffer for the bad.
*Jason licks lips and closes eyes*
Kryssie: I adore you both.
Justin: I adore you too, honey cakes.
Jason jokes: Ur okay...
(total convo: 15 minutes or less)
Edited (11/23/16 08:29 PM)