JokersUpdates.com: BB Highlights - Full transcript of Steve crying/talking to himself in HOH room about throwing veto comp, losing Johnny Mac, going over final 3/2 scenarios

[Starts at 12:07 AM, September 16]

Ok I made such a big...I made a $500,000 mistake today. And mom I'm sorry I let you down. I didn’t...these past few days have been so fatiguing...I’ve been sick and made a really bad decision today. I made a really bad decision today. I should’ve won it, I should’ve used it on Johnny. Johnny would’ve sent Vanessa home and then me, John, Liz final 3. And I could’ve won next to Johnny because I would’ve had the scamper squad.

And since you’re head of household, Steve, you would’ve whooped his ass.

I just...I just want someone to talk to. I’m feeling so alone, and what I need to do is forget about it and accept I made a mistake. And I need to move forward from it. It’s a stupid, stupid mistake. Austin telling Vanessa she can’t win. Johnny wouldn’t have won with the final 4 scamper squad votes. Nuh-uh. I should’ve taken him. I should have saved Johnny and taken Vanessa. Vanessa’s not gonna take Johnny, she’s taking Liz.

I would give anything just for a friend, a hug, a something. I want Coco, I’m going to go cry in my room. I just need to cry this out, and get it out of my system.

[Goes to HOH room, sits on top of HOH bed]

It’s just...the worst part about this I just had someone to talk to, to calm me down. Just someone I could vent to. But there’s no one I can talk to. There’s no one I can vent to. It’s just me and a camera? Please, even just a camera right now, it’s better than nothing.

[Camera moves and zooms in]

Thank you. I just feel like such a s***bag, I let my mom down today, I let my family down today. I could’ve won the game today! I could’ve won the game today. If I just won that veto, sent f***ing Vanessa home! Me, John, Liz final 3. John and I could’ve killed it. John would’ve won part 1, I would’ve won part 2. S***! [Starts crying] I can’t beat Vanessa in the final 2. Who am I kidding? Vanessa, I can’t beat you in the final 2.

[Crying, inaudible]

I just lost the game. I could’ve won the game today. I just wanted anyone but Vanessa. I can’t beat her, she’s so good! She got me to throw the veto. I said it this f***ing morning! [Throws Coco aside] I said it this morning...I could’ve beat her. Oh my God, I don’t...

[Sniffles, picks up and kisses Coco]

I’m sorry mom. I’m so sorry. I made a mistake, I just cost you so much. I’m sorry.

[Cries, hugs Coco]

I can’t beat Vanessa. [Looks toward camera, then away] I can’t!

I shouldn’t have thrown it. I shouldn’t have thrown it. Why did I throw it? I could’ve taken me and Johnny and Liz, and Johnny and I could’ve won.

[Gets up to get tissue from HOH bathroom]

And Johnny would’ve taken me, and I would’ve taken Johnny, because Johnny would’ve been nervous about Austin and the twins, and I could’ve taken this game home. Oh my God, why did I pass that up? Why?

[Sees camera moving] Thank you for caring, I appreciate that somebody gives a s***. Because honestly I’m in a house with four people and all of them want to me to lose this game, all of them!

I don’t have a case against Vanessa! She split up Meg and James, she split up Jeff and Jackie, she sent Jason home. She made so many big moves. What did I do? I split the twins up. [Goes back to HOH bed] You know what my big move could’ve been? Sending Vanessa home. I could have f***ing killed this game! And I didn’t. I could’ve won Big Brother today. Oh my God, mom, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have thrown it!

[Cries, holding Coco]

I just...I [inaudible]...I’m sorry, I could’ve have done this for you, but I didn’t! I don’t want this, I want to send Vanessa home, [looks at camera] I said it this morning, and then I f***ing chickened out. Next to Johnny I would’ve had had 4 scamper squad votes and then Meg and James. There’s no way Meg, James, Shelli, Becky, and Jackie would’ve all voted for Johnny Mac. There’s no way. Having zero HOHs? Oh my God, I would’ve won, I would’ve won this game, I would’ve won this game, I would’ve won this game.

S***! [Throws Coco aside, covers face with hands]

I’m sorry Mom, I really am. I just want to do this for you. I just threw it all away. [Looks up at camera, crying] I’m...I’m so sorry. [Looks away from camera, holding Coco] I could’ve won, I could’ve won, and now I can’t. And now here I am this pathetic little s*** crying in my HOH room to my f***ing mom because I’m on a TV show in a parking lot.

I’m sorry mom. I love you, I love you so much, and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I wanted to take this home for you. I did, I did, and I did. Oh my God.

I needed that. [Looks around room] Oh my God.

[Gets up, walks to HOH bathroom]

Anyone, please, I don’t want to be alone right now. I love you Mom, I love you [inaudible, possibly Johnny Mac or Jeremiah], I love you Alan, and I’m so sorry. I was so close, and I didn’t...it wasn’t even like if I had just screwed it up and I didn’t win on my own merit, fine. And I lost because I wasn’t good enough.

[Blows nose, reads label on a box of food]

I’m sorry mom. I’m so sorry, I wanted to help you. That wasn’t why I came here, though, Steven. Steven. Ok. [Looks at camera] I never...Thank you for caring, by the way, I’m glad someone does, ‘cause it really feels like no one cares in here. I feel like no one cares, and even just to see this means that someone cares right now. You’re probably laughing at me, about this or that, but...

Johnny Mac would’ve been my easiest win, and I lost him. Unless he wins the endurance, that’s the thing. [whispers] If Johnny Mac...

I want to take Johnny Mac to guarantee that one of us wins the game. That’s my opinion. ‘Cause Liz could win the endurance, and she could win the game, and that would be my worst case scenario. If I can’t win, I want you to win. And by taking Johnny Mac we guarantee that. I trust you’re not going to burn me, and I’m not going to burn you.

The one advantage of Johnny Mac going to jury is that he can campaign for me.

Maybe I can beat Vanessa with Johnny Mac in jury. If Liz goes...here’s the thing, if Liz goes, I got second place. Probably.

Okay, Johnny Mac needs to go tomorrow, and I’m sure that’s what Vanessa’s gonna do because she’s nervous about me taking him. She wants to win the endurance comp. She wants to win the endurance comp. She’s gonna evict Johnny Mac tomorrow. And then I need to take my shots against Vanessa because I honestly think I have a better shot against Vanessa than Liz. ‘Cause Jackie and Becky are going to vote for me over…...Vanessa’s been head of household more than me.

So right now I’m basically getting second. I saw a jury...and this could still go like season...I saw them on season 14...but people didn’t hate Derrick.

Johnny Mac’s going tomorrow, I know that’s what she’s gonna do. And then it’s me, Vanessa, Liz in the final 3. I want to win this f***ing comp.

[Paces around HOH room]

S*** I made the wrong decision today. I just want someone to talk to. I just want someone to talk to. Is Liz in bed? I want to calm down. I just need someone to talk to right now.

[Leaves HOH room]

[Walking down staircase, whispering] You have no idea how much it means to me just to have a camera following me. Really. You have no idea how much that means. Someone is noticing me right now. And even though you can’t say anything back to me, I know you can see me, and I know you can hear me. And that means a lot that I’m not alone, that means a lot that I’m not alone.